iPhone photo: taken the other evening of Sabra reading to the younger kids
I will start with the sad because I like to end with happy. I had this notion that once I got through Christopher’s memorial service last week that I would simply move on. Easier said than done. I keep going back through the years of memories searching for something I missed, searching for signs that it would end so tragically. I find nothing except the sweet bespectacled face of a boy, running in all sweaty from playing outside, to get a drink of water then dashing back out to play again. A tousled haired boy sitting in the bedroom with friends playing games.
I daydream about going back in time and hugging him and telling him that Jesus loves him. I would tell him that God is bigger than any problem he had and knows how many hairs he has on his head and that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
I realize now that this is going to take some time to work through.
Now for the happy.
I saw the midwife for the first time, today. It appears I have gained 15 lbs in 10 weeks. I also grew a half an inch taller(no, Mom, it doesn’t have anything to do with my fluffy hair;). And I am considered an “elderly multigravida”. Despite my advanced age all my tests came back good. I didn’t think she would be able to pick up the heartbeat of an inch long baby on doppler, but she did. For the 10th time it took my breath away and brought me to tears. It amazes me that at a little over an inch, baby already has all organs and a beating heart. Such a miracle.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, is one of my favorite verses. Someday we will have all the answers, but for now we will seek comfort in God. My heart is aching for your family and I will be praying for your comfort.
I love to read about your pregnancies. You are too funny with all the drooling etc. God Bless you and your little miracle.
So sad about Christopher.. Jen don’t beat yourself up about what you could have done tho… (I say that cuz I know I would be the same way) hugs for you all! Awesome news on baby! So much fun, hearing that heartbeat!
Your post made my eyes leak. Continued prayer for healing and comfort. And so excited about you hearing your baby’s heartbeat. When I read the line “for the 10th time it took my breath away”, it took my breath away. : ) I remember everytime I heard one of my babies’ heartbeat for the first time. The most beautiful sound in the world.
Praying for you, Jen. I so agree with your words “for the 10th time it took my breath away and brought me to tears” happens to me every single time. My heart always skips a beat and I get all choked up…what a wonderful blessing for you and your family!
I have been thinking of you a lot, but haven’t posted about Christopher’s passing. Any time something like this happens, I just don’t feel I have the words…please know I have been praying for your healing and your children and everyone around this boy.
The new baby – WHAT A HUGE MIRACLE!!! You are an amazing mother and should fill the world with your children. XOXOXO
Last week I read about Christopher and thought about how tragic it was that a young life was over, with so many joys yet to experience. I never dreamed that I would spend last night in the emergency room with the family of my son’s good friend since kindergarten, trying to understand why that beautiful, funny, caring young man had decided he couldn’t go on. I didn’t quite understand until last night just how devastating a suicide can be. Our hearts do feel broken.
I have been thinking about you all, your family, Christophers family and praying for you all.Xx
Babies truly are miracles!
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heartfelt thoughts to Christopher’s family and yours as well.
Congratulations on your miracle of life and sending many blessings.
So sorry, Jen that this tragedy has touched your family. I’m glad that you have the new little life to be excited about and to remind you of the goodness of God and how excited He is about life!
So unfortunate and sad that most times, there just are no warning signs 🙁 Heartbreaking.
As for the happy, SO thrilled for you that you were able to hear baby’s heartbeat already! So exciting and definitely a miracle.
So sorry to hear about your son’s friend Christopher . . nothing but blessing is prayed for his family. Very sad to hear this. As people that believe in Christ, just Christopher being around your family was a blessing to him. Happy is wished for you and the new baby that’s coming. Blessings, Sandy:O)